In my early thirties, I constantly wondered why mid-career/life was so lonely. But then again, perhaps it was just me. In the six months before we turned thirty, my husband and I made an international move, took on new jobs, and had our first child. A true overstretch.
Those years were about survival. I worked two international jobs followed by a high growth technology start-up to make ends meet in the expensive San Francisco Bay Area while my husband pursued his PhD. We had our second child.
Searching for a grid
Beneath the veneer of “having it all”, I was desperate for a grid for what I was experiencing – the loss of identity and community and my intense loneliness, the cultural and personal expectations of what it meant to be a good leader, mother and wife, the deeper identity issues which this season dredged to the surface. Amidst all these external forces, what did I actually stand for? What was actually driving the decisions?
“This too shall pass”, “enjoy it while it lasts”, “why don’t you just come home, where you get more support?”. When I struggled, all the advice was well-meaning, but woefully inadequate.
An eight-year learning journey
This sparked an eight-year journey to create a grid which could help me, personally, navigate this phase of life. Yes, this was in addition to my day jobs -- I spent precious nights & weekend studying, coaching & learning from masters. As a meaning-maker, it gave me energy and was totally necessary for my (mental) survival!
2016-8: Coach training. Truth: I never intended to be a coach – I simply figured that coach training would be a better investment than getting 1:1 coaching since I would gain long-term skills and community to practice with. Cheap, I know, but a great start! With coaching skills under my belt, I was called upon to coach within my organizations, including senior leaders. I was invited by friends to coach and run management trainings across the technology and government industries. In getting hundreds of coaching hours for certification, I encountered many more stories than my own. Truly, I was not alone in these isolating and overwhelming experiences.
2019-21: An experience of burn-out then led me to a field called “soul care”. I took a two-year course with PhD psychologists who brought the core foundations of psychology to laymen, while offering a community with tremendous kindness and healing. From them, I learned what a safe community felt like. I learned what it looked like to be emotionally, spiritually and physically healthy. This expanded my grid on life, which had focused on “believing” and “doing” the right things.
2021-22: Finally, I trained in the field of trauma care. In working with hundreds of people throughout the US and Asia (and to be honest, processing my own story), I had begun to notice areas of intense “stuckness”. These showed up in automatic physical responses, thought patterns, and “irrational fears” which surpassed their (and my) rational understanding and will. A good friend suggested learning about trauma as a grid for helping people through these moments of stuckness, and it was incredible – equipping me to identify and respond when trauma shows up.
INHERENT- the Genesis
To truly thrive and navigate in this phase of life took me a 8 year journey - countless after-work hours of training, practicing, reading, synthesizing, and learning from my peers across these training programs – therapists, lawyers, actors, survivors, writers, pastors, engineers.
"AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!"
I started Inherent to short-cut this process for women. To offer the best tools, resources and support you can use again and again when the ground shifts beneath your feet.
It’s just getting started, but here’s what I hope you experience at Inherent:
A place to be reminded of your inherent worth and value – the things that do not change amidst cycles of transition and adversity, ups and downs.
A place where you gain language and stories from others, to understand your experiences in this phase of life – so you don’t feel so isolated in the journey.
A place where you can access practical tools & frameworks to help you unpack and respond to challenges, transitions and adversities.
A place where you can access women who get you, and who can provide a safe listening ear, practical knowledge and navigation and recommended experts.
A place where you can get trained to support the women around you better.
Finally, a FAQ: What do you mean by mid-career/life? Women who have benefited most tend to be in the age range of 30-55. They value their relationships outside work, and also feel a calling to make an impact on the world through their work.
I’m excited you’re here and look forward to meeting you at one of our programs!
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